The Wednesday AM Hangover

What with Nationals coming up and season preview issue deadlines at work, this whole week was going to be one big hangover anyway. So it was the perfect week for the first try at doing a toasting competition at Will's. Maybe the first ever? Check up on that,

johnnylexicon. I think we might be landing on the moon here.

Anyway, a few thoughts, photos, lessons learned and anything else I can remember. A look at the rules I used might be helpful if you weren't there. Mark Baratelli of the kickass Daily City took some much better photos and even a little video, but I couldn't seem to grab them off his flickr - definitely worth a look.

The only complaint I had from the audience after? The first round. As luck would have it, the first two toasters were a particularly soliloquistic poet and a short story writer. Neither of them really knew what they were in for, so they ended up not so much giving toasts but a soliloquy and a short story on their subjects. The audience shut that shit down QUICK, so much so that I really felt sorry for Gary on the right there (who was coaxed into competing in the first place). Say it with me: BREVITY. This is basically head-to-head haiku, but with improv. And louder. I absolutely love the fact that it seems tailor-made for good heckling, and the crowd at Will's provided it in spades. But if I had it to do over again - and I do - I'd give a short demo before the matches; maybe a "sacrifice" toast.

As in any slam, good judges help. Moreso here. That's Will Walker, owner of the bar, with songbird Katie Ball and Mark Baratelli. Speaking of heckling, they were not shy.

Well, Will was. But then he always is with things like this, and you'd never know it from the way he was smiling.

The toasters had to pick their subjects at random and hand 'em over, and it was really satisfying how much suspense you could leech out of this act. Hell, some of the subjects got more noise than the toasts that followed them. Here's some of the ones that I used (not all of which got picked). I really, really wish I could remember some of the exact toasts that went with them. Most were funny, some deliberately offensive, and a few surprise winners were actually (gasp) sincere:

Popsicles
Artificial limbs
Diapers
Bad tattoos
Ketchup
Abominable snowmen
Pythons
Sarah Palin (of course)
Michael Jackson
Grandmothers
Disney
Belt buckles
Asparagus
Photoshop
Steroids
Kung fu
Tube socks
Electricity
Batman
Country music

... aaand I'll be saving the rest for Christian's ears only, until next week. You people at Nationals had better drink a lot of water that night.

People are whirling around me in a literal game of musical chairs right now. I'm being moved, along with a great many people, over to a different section of the newsroom this weekend, and it's really fucking up the whole TGIF vibe. I'm trying to focus on the positives (slight decrease in workload, seeing m'girl tonight) and plug my ears and make lala noises against the negatives (two weeks of home renovations ahead, the fact that I WON'T BE ABLE TO GO TO NATIONALS lala not listening).

Well, so much for that try.

I should probably mention, since this will be a public post, that I really don't make public posts anymore. I work in the paper, and this is where I go to cuss. If you're reading this on accident, go friend me or something. I'm welcoming to a fault.

Your Livejournal zombie attack.

LiveJournal Username

The name of your zombie infested home town.

Your zombie killing weapon of choice.

How much do zombies scare you?

Oh noes!!11 A zombie! What do you do?

Blasting zombies left and right with a freaking twelve guage. What do you think?

fossefox

Curled into a fetal position crying their eyes out.

saracowgirl

Is pwning some zombies with Don't Stop Me Now playing in the background.

theryk

Is sitting at home watching CNN and eating ice cream.

jessi_bell

Get ripped to pieces by the zombies. Bummer.

joshismyname

Is the zombie king who you must destroy to end the zombie menace.

thisrabbit

Number of zombies you decapitate.

703

Chances you survive the zombie swarm.

72%

This Fun Quiz created by Rob at BlogQuiz.Net

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The second of my rightfully do-nothing weekends chugs along at cruising altitude. The Breakfast Club downtown is becoming a bit of a weekly habit (drink, oversleep, carbo-load, repeat) but with the weather as nice as it is today, it feels downright healthy.

And of course I've got to fuck the whole thing up by ducking into the library here to check my mail. I'll admit it; there are messages from people I just can't wait 'til tommorrow for. There's a guy sitting next to me asking what day it is in Indonesia and the correct spelling for "rupee". I really want to act on my 90% certainty that he's getting soaked in a scam email, but I don't think the opinion would be welcome.

Bit of a poetry renaissance (again) these days, though the writing hasn't exactly been going that way. I've been asked to read at the next "Lewd Night" event and host a slam at this year's Fringe. It'll be populated with all the usual suspects and hopefully a couple of new ones - if anyone's still talking to me by then. I'm apparently arbitrating an agreement between Dani and j's slam teams, so we'll see how that all comes out in the wash.

In this, at least, I'm back where I started: neutral and happy to be there. I've slowly come to acceptance of the fact that I won't be going to Nationals with a team this year. I'm not ruling out a trip to Austin anyway, but (as with last year) I think it's going to have to be that or a tour. And dammit, there are a few couches I'm really starting to miss.

For now: frisbee golf. Decisions are always better made while suffering sunstroke.

From the Onion National News Highlights:

"FLORIDA—Florida caught on fire and sank on Tuesday."

Well, shit.

Here at the desk on one of my last days and

lilly1978's second (always nice to have friends at work that you know will dig the job). So far so good. Looking forward to quite a bit this weekend - the new surroundings in the features section (finally and for real this time), the premiere of 300, some time to work on non-Sentinel writing.

Saw The Departed last night, which was all the hype and a little bit more. But really, no good reason for posting but itchy fingers. Tonight, that's a good thing.

Had I mentioned that my latest chapbook, Poker Night at the Justice League, has been polished up and second-printed this past month?

I didn't? Well, shit. Allow me to pretend that the reason is NOT, in fact, that I have been swamped with newspapery things but that Destructible Heart Press finally put its online store up. And you should totally go there. If you don't see me around with my backpack, you can order Poker Night there by PayPal, along with books from Christian Drake, Goeff Trenchard, Matthew John Conley, Paul Gagnon, and

sashash himself.

Don't know who those people are? Trust me. Buy their shit and if you don't like it I will personally put ketchup on their chapbooks and eat them. And I fucking HATE ketchup.

If anybody's heading out to Stardust Video or Natura Cafe at UCF tommorrow, I will talk more poetry at you. Haven't really had the occassion lately, so my feet are pushing at the starting blocks. Salud.

How I know we're running out of shit to do in this town: my favorite ex / nightlife columnist just asked me to pick up a promo item off the desk of our features editor for her. Turns out it's a couple bottles of this "Fever" swill.

Now, I've had myself a couple advance sips because the jokes at the desk were just getting to be too much. It's pretty whatever. Tastes like Red Bull without the carbonation. Thing is, it's not Red Bull and vehemently denies even being in the same ballpark. It's a "stimulation beverage". The press release translation is "aphrodisiac".

I have questions.

1) Why would you put out something like this and not prominently label it as such? Are they actively appealing to the desperate and shifty? Or is it their hope that the term "stimulation beverage" will schmooze its way into our lexicon as a kinder, socially acceptable term for "roofie"?

2) Assuming that is the case, ladies: what would be your reaction to some dude buying you one of these?

3) Have my two sips of this stuff made my point moot by proving it only makes you ansty and frustrated or is that the coffee?

My roommate's web hosting firm is launching some new glitzy personal / business promo site or other. Nothing new there, but the interesting part of the conversation that sprung out of it was this:

When LJ / Tagworld and the like were launched, the business model was anonymity. That's what the internet provides, right? You have the ability to put up your thoughts in a window for the world to read, unfiltered by any "mistaken" impressions of the ugly, tongue-tied person you might be in real life.

Conversely, the keyword for MySpace is vanity. And which has been more successful?

Level up. Moving on. Sold out.

Effective yesterday, I'm the new event listings coordinator for the Orlando Sentinel. Let's review the opportunities for rejoice and regret.

Pro: I get to tell people about all the cultural opportunities in Orlando
Con: I have to do that with a straight face

Pro: Mo money
Con: Mo problems

Con: Journalistic integrity means no promos for anything I do in town
Pro: This gives me an excuse to don a luchador mask and read poetry as "El Voz Diablo"

Suddenly, inexplicably, the defective copy of Good Night and Good Luck I'd been holding onto decided to work last night. So we watched it.

Hoo dog, am I a very small person at this desk today.

"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - Edward R. Murrow

Don't usually cozy up to these things, but it's that kind of day ...

A). Four jobs I have had in my life:
1.) Waiter
2.) Movie theater clean-up crew
3.) Barrista
4.) Haunted house actor

B). Four movies I would watch over and over:
1.) The Blues Brothers
2.) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3.) Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead
4.) Drunken Master 2

C). Four places I have lived:
1.) Binghamton, NY
2.) Port Charlotte, FL
3.) Apopka, FL
4.) Orlando, FL

D).Four TV shows I like to watch:
1.) The Office
2.) The Daily Show
3.) Six Feet Under
4.) World's Funniest Sexy Animal Police Chase Bloopers of the '80s

E). Four places I have been on vacation:
1.) England
2.) NYC
3.) Austin
4.) Albuquerque

F). Four websites I visit:
1.) joshreads.com
2.) somethingawful.com
3.) librarything.com (I'm key17!)
4.) gotpoetry.com

G).Four of my favorite foods:
1.) White. Cheddar. Popcorn.
2.) Pumpkin Pie
3.) Center cut bacon, well done
4.) Pasta Alfredo

H).Four places I'd rather be right now:
1.) Vancouver
2.) Albuquerque
3.) Tampa
4.) Maggie Gyllenhaal's va-jayjay

Tommorrow: the annual Who-Cares-About-the-Superbowl Superbowl Party! Yes, chilluns. Some pics if I can get 'em.

So I'm taking the news briefs tonight and the main-ish story is a SWAT standoff at the apartment complex I used to live in. Damn. It wasn't that bad over at the 'ol Brittany Bay, was it?

OK, yeah. It kinda was.

They're a tenacious breed out there in Rosemont, too. This guy kicked through the floor of the apartment to get away from the tear gas, then punched through the wall of that one and breifly took a mom and her daughter hostage in the next room. Adrenaline and guns: two great tastes that taste great together.

- I'm told that I should have been more excited about being in spitting distance of Kristen Bell at the FX Con. Me, I was just glad she was accomodating. This is what it looks like when I hit on b-list celebrities.

- That wasn't the best part of this weekend by a long shot. Sunday morning found me dreaming through the noon news and listening to a LOT of Beck. You do the math.

- Remember that snazzy chapbook I put out awhile back? Poker Night at the Justice League? ... Well, I don't blame you. I haven't had copies for awhile. Anyway: 2nd printing approaching with a redesign AND an ISB fucking N. Tell

sashash you want one and that he is awesome, not necessarily in that order.

- Saw Yo La Tengo last night, then some friends at I-Bar. Keep this up and I might have a life going.

Why, yes. Absolutely, Christophe or whatever the fuck your name is. That IS the new stylee. You should totally be wearing that because now I know where your balls are so's I can punch them.

Wow, did I make some poor decisions last night regarding consciousness and my ability to retain it today. Read at Dani's super-packed slam last night, and sandwiched that with a visit to Ms. Meka's going-away partay at Duke's. Missed most of her set, but did get to see Marc with a C and the continually satantastic Gargamel. And some girls in lingerie onstage, for some reason. Note to Anti-Babe: either learn how to dance to metal or just stand still and look hot. Not complainin', just sayin'.

( I actually don't watch enough Colbert to have an opinion. But. )

This plug needs a whole little corner of its own.

Not only is it a good cause, but a long-overdue compilation idea: Look! Up in the Sky! is finally available. Compiled by Sacred Fools Ryk McIntyre and Melissa Guillet, it's an anthology of super-hero poetry in memoriam and benefit of Lisa King. It's got hardcore TONS of poems in there, from the likes of Mike McGee, Christian Drake, Tony Brown ... it goes on and on. Orlando reps heavy, with selections from Curtis Meyer, j. bradley, and meself.

I just scooped up 3 copies online. You know you wanna do the same.

Christ, why didn't anybody warn me about LibraryThing? Like I'm ever going to get any work done now.

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